Photo: NowPublic.com

Bored with baseball? Sick of watching the “Mad Batter” Tendulkar conquer cricket? Flip to your international satellite TV channels to view crazy sports that maybe aren’t even sports.

1. The Man vs. Horse Marathon

The tiger vs. bear matches that allegedly took place in the Coliseum are way too extreme (not to mention, inhumane) for the modern world. But did you know you could still watch man vs. animal? We’re not talking rodeo or bull fighting (boo!); we’re talking about the ultimate matchup: man vs. horse in a marathon.

What the heck is that? It’s a 22-mile long race in June where distance runners compete against riders on horseback.  It takes place in Llanwrtd Wells, Wales.

Favorites: The horses are going the distance in this scenario. Ever see those packs of wild mustangs loping through the plains without even breaking a sweat? Enough said.

Intensity level: 4 out of 5 beads of sweat.

Is it a sport: It involves a lot of running, so yes.

2. International Bog Snorkeling Competition

Every year in August, the Welsh fasten their flippers, straighten their snorkels, and take to a peat bog for the International Bog Snorkeling Competition.

What the heck is that? It’s another weird sport near Llanwrtyd Wells, Wales! Competitors must swim two consecutive 60-yard lengths of a water-filled trench cut through a foggy, soggy peat bog.

Intensity level: 2 out of 5 beads of sweat.

Is it a sport? The uniform consists of flippers and a snorkel, so no.

Also catch: Mountain bike bog snorkeling and the Bog Snorkeling Triathlon.

3. World Toe Wrestling

One, two, three, four, I declare a toe war. That’s right. The World Toe Wrestling Championship is held every year at the Bentley Brook Inn in Ashbourne, Derbyshire.

How does one train for this event? By doing toe-push ups and lifting tiny toe-sized weights of course.

What the heck is that: It’s just like thumb wrestling, only using a less flexible phalange – your toe. It’s polite to take your opponent’s socks off before the bout begins. Players start by linking toes and attempting to pin their opponents feet for three seconds. 

Meet the Athletes: Alan “Nasty Nash” and Paul “Toeminator” Beech

Is it a sport: We’re still wondering if wrestling counts as a sport. So no.

Intensity: 4 out of 5 beads of sweat.

Comment below with your favorite odd or international sport. Check out DISH Network international sports channels so you won’t miss a second of these oddball athletes as they train and compete for odd titles in odd sports.

The 2010 State Farm All-Star Home Run Derby is today, and this year’s list of sweet swingers doesn’t have us too excited. Matt Holiday!? Chris Young??? Nick Swisher????? I guess Billy Bean can now feel somewhat vindicated for the stink he made in Moneyball.
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By now we’ve heard the news about LeBron’s big move to the Miami Heat and our heads are spinning with questions.  How much money is he going to make?  What is going to happen to the Cavaliers?  And why the Miami Heat?

He reportedly said it wasn’t about money; it was about winning. Yeah right.
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It took months of deliberation. Countless arguments. Everyone wanted LeBron, but he could only belong to one….  and we managed to get the inside scoop.

Just remember you heard it here first, hours BEFORE tonight’s big announcement on DISH Network Channel ESPN at 9:00 pm. EST.

The Inside Scoop on LeBron James

LeBron James has selected Peppermint Swirl as his favorite ice cream flavor. It’s a huge upset for the ice cream community. “Vermont is very disappointed that he didn’t pick Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food,” said Brett Piccadilly. “What am I going to tell my kids? It’s going to be a very difficult summer,” he adds.

“The choice was a difficult one, that’s for sure,” said James’ Manager. “There are a lot of different flavors out there.  Rocky Road, Mint Chocolate Chip, and Neopolitan are all well-established, winning ice creams with a huge fan base.  LeBron has already sent letters of apologies to these ice creams because he was deeply considering each one. He hates to disappoint the fans.”

Peppermint Swirl enthusiasts rejoiced across America. The ice cream now has a catchy song: “We’re minty. We’re delicious. We’re LeBron.” It’s quickly replacing the classic “I Scream, You Scream” chant in minivans across the country.

The three ice creams bidding for LeBron’s support were Rocky Road, Mint Chocolate Chip, and Neopolitan. Rocky Road fans were outraged because ever since childhood, LeBron has favored Rocky Road. But he made the switch because the rise in peanut allergies might tarnish his image.

Mint Chocolate Chip supporters were also upset, since they thought the ice cream’s minty green shade would win him over. Apparently not.

But Neopolitan lovers were the most hurt by LeBron’s decision. “With strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate, we’re the ice cream triple threat. If LeBron was on our side, there would be no stopping us,” said Neopolitan Ned. Without backing from LeBron, Neopolitan might have to sacrifice strawberry and just go with vanilla and chocolate.

It’s going to be a very rough season for ice cream lovers.

P.S. Thought you could use a little refreshing sports humor. This is for entertainment purposes only and not real. Happy National Ice Cream Month!

As an American not previously exposed to soccer, and thankfully not having grown up with a soccer mom, World Cup 2010 has been a mystifying time. My significant other, who previously could not arise before 8:00 am has been stumbling out of bed to turn on ESPN at 4:00 a.m. to watch a game where oftentimes, there’s only one point scored – sorry, one goal scored. And there’s so much running. And what was going on in that Brazil-Netherlands game? How does a game that’s so anticipated end up in a tie? And what kind of game gives out points for tying?

In follow up to our previous post on Soccer Slang, this guide is for all of you World Cup widows who don’t regularly watch soccer (yes…soccer) so you’ll know what to expect during the Finals.

The World Cup Gist

There’s no time delay, no replay and no Bob Costas. Bars open at 6am just to serve coffee so the faithful can gather and root on countries that aren’t even the US, and to watch more than a big US game, you’ll need to upgrade your DISH Network package. The big 4 (ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX) won’t be broadcasting all of the games.

Widow tip #1: Expect your significant other to ask about upgrading your DISH Network sports package if you’re not getting all the games.

What’s the Big World Cup Deal?

So what’s the big deal? Even Jon Stewart said “…oh yeah, because no one CARES.”  The US is already out and people are still glued to the TV. Coworkers are still rolling in late to work because they’re watching Brazil vs. Netherlands quarterfinal. And you shouldn’t even bother talking to your spouse or significant other. They’ve turned into a soccer zombie.

World Cup is watched in more countries and by more people than any other sporting event in history. Millions will tune in for a game that has to have minimal commercial interruptions in homes, bars, airports and village squares around the world. It’s apparently a pretty big deal after all. And your significant other wants to be a part of the mania that’s sweeping the US. We finally do seem to care about soccer.

Widow tip#2: Never accuse your significant other of jumping on the soccer bandwagon. This is sure to result in a heated match-up more intense than Uruguay vs. Ghana.  And don’t mention Ghana to US fans – they’re still bitter.

And for those of you that didn’t know or don’t remember, there is a Women’s World Cup version, started in 1991, the next one is in 2011 in Germany. The US has even won that, twice, back in 1991 and in 1999. Remember when Brandi Chastain took off her jersey and was running around the field shirtless? That’s why. If you’re way out of the loop like me, you remember that more than what it was for, who they played, or even what the score was.

Widow tip #3: If you can’t beat them, join them. Using the list below, try watching a game (next one is (insert game here)), you might like it.

Major format points to know for wading through the 2010 World Cup Finals

32 teams total play in what is considered the “finals” known as the World Cup.

These teams qualify over a period of 3 years, which is why you only really hear about the 32 teams, and why from Cup to Cup it’s not always the same countries being represented. For example in the 2010 Cup, there are no Canadian, Russian and Chinese teams representing. But you do see smaller countries like Slovakia (all of 2 million in population), Ivory Coast, and in a history making debut, North Korea.

Each of the 32 countries are placed in 8 groups of 4 in a sort of random draw (8 teams are seeded, including the host country, using rankings and geography), playing each other in a round robin, earning points for wins and ties. The 2 teams with the most points advance to the round of 16 in a single elimination bracket (like the NCAA basketball kind) known as the “knockout stage.”

Once in the round of 16, there are no more ties. Games have to have a winner, so overtime is added. If no one scores in overtime, teams each then choose 5 players to do a penalty kick shootout. Each team takes turns with one player getting one kick at the goal with only the goalie to try and stop it. The team with the most goals at the end of the 5 penalty kicks wins. If they’re still tied, they keep shooting penalty kicks, but each team only has one penalty kick, instead of 5. The game finally ends when one team scores off the penalty kick, and the subsequent team does not.

(And if they’re STILL tied, team captains resort to a best of 3: rock, paper, scissors game. Ok, not really.)

Even Quicker World Cup Facts

• There are two 45 minute halves.
• Games are 90 minutes long in regulation time. Sometimes you’ll see commercial breaks, but the game clock continues to roll, as does the game.
• At the end, the referee will tack on “stoppage” time which adds up all the times during the game where play was stopped for awarding fouls, injuries or whatever. Stoppage time is at the referee’s discretion when to call the game final and time up. (Thankfully, stoppage time is almost NEVER as long as the last few minutes of a basketball or football game.)

• There is a halftime. But no mega show like at the Super Bowl. It’s mostly commercials and ESPN analysts’ discussions of the first half. Halftime is only 15mins- so that’s when the top commercials (and the most entertaining one) come on.
• Players who start a game run about a total of 7 miles if they play the entire game.
• Referees can hand out yellow and red cards to players.
• Yellow cards are for more minor offenses – like warnings. But warnings add up. It only takes two to earn a red card.
• Red cards are really bad – you have to leave the game if you get one. The worst part, your team doesn’t get to replace you on the field, so now they’re down a player and you’re on your way into the clubhouse. In the 2006 World Cup, French player Zinedine Zidane headbutted an Italian player in the chest. That got most definitely got him a red card.
• Goalies get to wear different outfits than the rest of the team.
• Games are referred to as “matches.”
• At the end of a match, players often exchange jerseys with each other. (Yes, very sweaty, smelly, jerseys.)
• There are post game highlights and discussions which can drag on, but usually ESPN has something else to move on to like the US Open, NBA Finals or even ice skating.
• England invented the sport, and they won’t let you forget it.
• That constant buzzing, sometimes annoying noise in the background are vuvuzelas, also called stadium horns, an instrument of South Africa that spectators blow into. (That noise will remain in your head all day.)
• Italy won the last World Cup in 2006, France was 2^{nd –} (Remember the headbutt thing? That was the championship. Bummer.).
• You don’t need to know a lot of fancy stuff like which country is expected to win, key players, what offside is or even why a 4-4-2 formation is important, just know that technically, the games are short, the stakes are high and while it may look like a bunch of guys just running back and forth in shiny shorts, there’s actually a lot of strategy going on. Give it a try, sit down, watch and listen. The commentators are almost all ex-players that have a lot of helpful information and are purposely chosen and instructed to be non-partisan (as best they can anyway).

It’s not that complicated after all. They’re just kicking a ball around, right? And relax, after July 11^th, it’ll all be over until 2014, and you’ll get your partner back for another four years.